"Zippy" #2

Around 1980 or so Zippy was in the market for a car. His budget was around $400, and he ended up purchasing an old Toyota Corona, faded red with gray primer everywhere, from a Jehovah's Witness. Zip affectionately dubbed his new car the "Millenium Falcon".

Zippy had this habit of driving around and eating fresh vegetables and fruit, and then depositing apple cores, carrots, and who knows what else in the back seat area, which over time filled up. In the early '80s California had the Med-fly "crisis", which then Governor Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown eventually got around to handling by spraying neighborhoods with Malathion from helicopters. I always felt that Zippy's car may have contributed to the Med-fly problem, with the rotting vegetable matter and what-not.

He eventually decided to upgrade his vehicle, and so put the "MF" on the market. His ad included the phrase "must see to believe". The phone rang off the hook and he sold it for $375 with a clutch that slipped.

To top it off, the new owner called a few days later and thanked Zippy for selling the vehicle to him.

"Zippy" #1

Zippy (not his real name) is an old, old friend. Since Hallow(not)ween is upon us I remembered a party we were at a number of years ago. Zippy had chosen a 1970's Mick Jagger look (rent the movie "Performance"), complete with eye paint up above his eyebrows and some silky pajama type outfit.

He had had a couple of beers and was having a good time. He was talking to a nice young lady who was sitting on the couch -- he was standing -- in other words, her face was about at his pants belt level.

Now, Zippy was not fond of wearing underwear, and on top of that let's just say he would be the envy of many men in the endowment department. While he was talking to this young lady the safety pin that held is silk pants on came undone and they ended up around his ankles.

Not missing a beat in the conversation the young lady reached down, slid them back up, and refastened the pin.

Later that evening he wanted to drive to his girlfiend's, but I vetoed that as he had more beer than was wise. I took his car keys, but I was pretty sure he had another set.

So, unknown to him I liberated the distributor cap from his car. And later that night as he tried to start the car with his spare set he cursed me many times.

A PC Wino

Made a trip to Seattle once for business and was able to take my wife. We had dinner in a basement Italian restaurant. My tortellini was 'ok' -- it had kind of a lamb sauce. I would have sent it back but the chef was hanging around our table shooting the breeze, so I nibbled and got it wrapped to take home.

Before we left a large guy shows up with a violin and plays. He played a couple of tunes by our table so I slipped him a couple of ones in gratitude. He looked at the money and said, "I spit on this money, I play for the love of it", and then tucked the bills away while he went on to the next table.

On the way back to the hotel we found a wine shop, so I parked in the alley in back (lots of alleys in Seattle). A wino kind of homeless looking dude was shuffling along, so I said, "Do you want some tortellini?". He said, "Hey man, I'm vegetarian!".

I always wondered how he knew it wasn't cheese tortellini.